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Rating Singles on a Saturday Night

Writer's picture: Taj MayfieldTaj Mayfield

Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion. Juice WRLD & The Weeknd. 2 Chainz and Lil Wayne. And More.

I don't know. Something about this week's singles just has my attention.


Maybe it's the Weeknd. Maybe it's Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion making a song and video so erotic conservative politicians want it banned.


I guess we'll find out.

 

How it works: Each song will get a short review followed by a Tinder-style rating of swipe right or swipe left. For Tinder context, swipe right means approval, and swipe left means rejection.


The same concept applies to this series, but instead of the swipe deciding sex or no sex, they dictate stream or no stream. Each swipe decision will also be accompanied by a general theme of the swipe.

Ex.) Swipe Right(Regret in Morning)


Disclaimer: If the intro didn't give it away, this series is freer than other articles on SoundSports. Bias will show. Jokes will flow. If you happen to be a recruiter trying to gauge my fit in your company, pick another article.

 

Cardi B "WAP" (feat. Megan Thee Stallion)

10 seconds into the video, a Cardi B statue shot water at my screen through its nipples, and yes, you guessed it, my heightened attention was because of "WAP".


As a former creative director intern, the video gets a 10/10.


From a strictly technical standpoint, the video's hypnotic patterning, vibrant coloring, sexual choreography, and complimentary props are all *chef's kiss*.


Even Kylie Jenner's Cory Gunz-like appearance was a genius move from a marketing standpoint.


Did the music have to stop for Jenner to take three steps and look up? No.


Is there a petition with over 50,000 signatures to remove her from the video? Yes.


If I was the video's creative director, would I make the same decision and sacrifice artistic integrity to get a fraction of Jenner's almost 190 million followers' attention? Fuck yes.


Again, the video is a Jordyn Woods(10), but this is a singles review series, not a videos review series.


As someone who does not have a WAP, the Frank Ski "Whores In This House" sample are the lines hypothetical, non-COVID Taj goes hardest to, but the song has some hard bars throughout.


My favorite lyrical moment from both:

  1. Cardi B not knowing the uvula. "I want you to touch that lil' dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat".

  2. Meg's entire second verse, especially "if he fuck me and ask 'Whose is it?', when I ride the dick, I'ma spell my name".

Swipe: Right (WAP)

 

Juice WRLD & The Weeknd "Smile"

I could probably get canceled from several different cancelable lanes for this, but this hook is the simpiest hook I've heard in a while. I understand Juice WRLD's sentiment of rooting for someone you no longer speak to, but this hook is so direct in expressing that feeling that it's offputting.


Juice WRLD's verse is a better expression of the feeling the hook stresses too much of, and it serves as a reminder of how far he had come in terms of love between the song's initial surfacing(leaked 2018) and its present-day release.


With that being said, The Weeknd is the highlight of the song.


The song takes an immediate turn from "walk all over me queen" to "you are nothing to me".


The Weeknd explains a failed relationship that he effortlessly walks away from, and it's top-tier heartless Weeknd, as he raps/sings "when our skin is touching, I need drugs to love you, you want so much more from me, but I can only fuck you".


In honor of everything becoming a petition lately, it's time this brand of The Weeknd gets his own project. No detailed description is needed in the Change.org details. Just add links to this track, Future's "Low Life" and "Comin Out Strong".


Swipe: Left (Looking for Early Commitment/Enlisting Soon)

 

2 Chainz "Money Maker" (feat. Lil Wayne)

My brother went to Southern University, so hearing it as the first shoutout of the song really made me want to like the track.


Sadly, I did not.


The production and vocal performances are on two different levels of quality.


If you sample an R&B classic like Guy's "Piece of My Love" through the Human Jukebox's performance, you have to come harder than interpolating a line from The Players Club for the hook. A weak hook and surprisingly lazy verses from 2 Chainz and Lil Wayne make the song far more enjoyable as an instrumental.


Swipe: Left (Space Cadet)

 

Kali Uchis & Rico Nasty "Aquí Yo Mando"

Due to my lack of knowledge on the statute of limits on academic integrity, I will not share how I managed to pass a total of five Spanish courses across high school and college.


With that being said, I don't know what Kali Uchis and Rico Nasty are saying on this single. What I do know is Kali Uchis hasn't missed in almost three years, and Rico Nasty is one of the most underrated rappers in the world.


That knowledge is enough for me.


Swipe: Right (Stellar Resume)

 

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